


Atwitter about Troy

by xerampelinae



Category: The Iliad - Homer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4870365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xerampelinae/pseuds/xerampelinae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An abridged version of The Iliad as a series of tweets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Book I

Apolloz1 @chryses

@Agamemnon please give me back my daughter. I'll pay your ransom.

 

Agh Agamemnon @Agamemnon

@chryses fuck off.if u ever come back i will fuck u up

 

Apolloz1 @chryses

@APOLLO dear god I've always been your guy, please help me. I just want my daughter back.

 

SUN TWIN @APOLLO

@chryses don't worry dude I will fuck up their shit #rage #bullseye #greekcrew

 

Godschild @Achilles

Its been 9 days what the fuck everybodys still dying #greekcrew got an oracle?

 

Bird sign boy @kalchas

@Achilles sure but promise not to get mad???

 

Godschild @Achilles

@kalchas sure? I swear by like @APOLLO that nobodys gonna fuck you up

 

Bird sign boy @kalchas

@Achilles okay according to the birds it's because of agamemnon. Gotta give the priest's daughter back

 

Godschild @Achilles

@Agamemnon hey everybodys gonna die if you dont give back that chick to her dad

 

Agh Agamemnon @Agamemnon

@Achilles i canNOT BELIEVE THE DISRESPECT.I LIKE THIS CHICK BETTER THAN MY WIFE

 

Godschild @Achilles

@Agamemnon dont be such a greedy capitalist. Of course well split the other booty. Youre so #shameless

 

Agh Agamemnon @Agamemnon

@Achilles u know i could take the balance out of any of the other kings.but ur taking my thing so im taking urs

 

Godschild @Achilles

@Agamemnon fuck you. Youll regret angering me into #leaving only I can #DefeatHector

 

Fair-spoken @Nestor

@Achilles @Agamemnon The Trojans will be so happy about this. Stop fighting.

 

Agh Agamemnon @Agamemnon

@Nestor ur being fair but @Achilles thinks hes BETTER THAN ME #achillesisacoward

 

Godschild @Achilles

Ugh do what you will. But Im not helping anyone who calls me a coward.

 

Godschild @Achilles

Ill fuck up anyone who touches any of my stuff besides @bryseis

 

Godschild @Achilles

@bryseis @patroclus :( :( :(

 

fair cheeks b @bryseis

@Achilles @patroclus I’ll miss you guys q.q

 

Apolloz1 @chryses

@APOLLO dear god thank you!!!

 

Godschild @Achilles

@THETIS mom Ive been dishonored by a dude and now my girl is with him :(

 

of the gray sea @THETIS

@Achilles oh honey. I don’t want you all #sadface let me @ZEUS for help

 

CRAFTY Z @ZEUS

@THETIS uhhh Hera’s gonna be mad at me if I do this for you

 

CRAFTY Z @ZEUS

@THETIS ok I’ll do it

 

ANGRY MRS Z @HERA

@ZEUS you are always going behind my back. What are you up to?

 

CRAFTY Z @ZEUS

@HERA UGH LEAVE ME ALONE OR SO HELP ME

 

SMITHY @HEPHAESTUS

@HERA hey mom, I love you so please chill, I don’t want dad to throw you down the mountain like he did me that one time

 

ANGRY MRS Z @HERA

@HEPHAESTUS okay honey. Love you too :)

 

 


	2. Book 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some use of #revpsych and divine intervention continues.

CRAFTY Z @ZEUS  
@Dream make think @Agamemnon think today is a good day to take Troy

evil divine @Dream  
@ZEUS ;)

Agh Agamemnon @Agamemnon  
#greekcrew its been 9 yrs outside of troy lets go home #nostoi #revpsych

Trending @HomericTrends  
#nostoi is now trending

ANGRY MRS Z @HERA  
@ATHENA go @ Odysseus so they don’t leave Helen in Troy

PALLAS @ATHENA  
@Odysseus don’t give up. Let the #greekcrew give way no more. You’re not horses broken by Troy.

cunning @Odysseus  
#greekcrew you’re not cowards are you? #holdfast #toarms

cunning @Odysseus  
#greekcrew shut up and listen #manylords #1ruler

can’t stop me @Thersites  
@Agamemnon u r a coward

cunning @Odysseus  
@Thersites shut up troll

PALLAS @ATHENA  
yo #greekcrew here’s a prophecy: year 10 is the end of Troy

CRAFTY Z @ZEUS  
thanks for the presents #greekcrew but you’re gonna have a hard time

I M @IRIS  
@hector Look how many are assembled outside your city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm caught between sticking to the notes in my book versus being more faithful to the plot. At this point I'm adding some tweets to smooth out the narrative.
> 
> In other new, I managed to graduate and move home. Still working on getting a job but I'm vaguely ill so typing.


	3. Book 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shining helm @hector  
> #greekcrew how about #1on1 combat @paris vs @menelaus?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brought to you by Insomnia Brain that insists that Achilles is sad-listening to Lady Gaga (think "Perfect Illusion") even though Achilles isn't even in this fucking chapter. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

shining helm @hector  
@paris don’t shrink away from the man whose wife you ran away with

Alexandros @paris  
@hector @paris you’re right. let the best man win and take helen home

shining helm @hector  
#greekcrew how about #1on1 combat @paris vs @menelaus?

I M @IRIS  
@Helen hey your husbands past and present are having a showdown. Come watch

LADY LOVE @APHRODITE  
awww poor @paris let your fair goddess sweep you away. go take comfort in your lady ;)

shining one @Helen  
I wish you died you braggart. Do not fight him again. You would die.

Alexandros @paris  
honey he had godly aid that’s why he won :(((

Trending @HomericTrends  
#1on1 is now trending

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously the response to reading The Iliad for class is to sum up interactions in tweets, so as to be manageable. According to the girl who borrowed my book, "Your notes are hilarious," because man, I hope so.  
> I'll try to work my way through the rest of the books based off my sticky notes, but I have 5 classes this term and am trying not to die in the meantime.  
> Also trying to figure out formatting.


End file.
